So often, when we look at our life, all we see are problems. Things that don’t work anymore and we don’t know what to do next; issues of daily life that come up and stop us in our tracks, misunderstandings, projection of our own thoughts, beliefs and feelings onto others, not even realizing this is OUR stuff, not theirs.
Of course, we have problems, we have stuff we have to deal with but we forget to look at our whole life: our strengths, our resiliency, our problem-solving skills.
I used to get very upset when something went wrong. Something I didn’t expect. Something I wasn’t prepared for. I stumbled my way through and eventually took care of the offending issue. However, I paid a big price for the way I dealt with it. I was angry, scared, out of sorts, had a hard time calming down enough to see there was a path right in front of me, one that I could use to handle the problem quickly and easily. I used up so much energy – it was all very draining.
When I finally reached out for help and guidance from my life coach, a few things happened. I found out why I reacted the way I had for many years of my life. This brought a profound sense of relief and followed by a boat load of shame. As I accepted and acknowledged who I was, who I am, I was able to release the shame I felt and embraced myself and my past. I began to look at my past behaviors with new, adult eyes and could see, yes, I made mistakes but the stories I told myself about those mistakes were skewed. I could see that I was actually trying my best or I didn’t understand or I didn’t have the resources at the time to manage things differently.
Now I embrace my strengths: courage, curiosity, creativity and the ability to accept what comes, because I can’t control anything outside of me, and deal with it head on.
I learned very quickly that the only way out of a problem or situation is through. I can try to go around, under or over but the issue is still there. If I don’t deal with it now, it will come back, usually bigger and more difficult, and when least expected. Now, I assign a different meaning or story to whatever comes up. When I just accept it, it takes all the sting out of it.
How will you navigate your life in the next 10, 20 years? Try to envision how you want it to be and hold that vision in your mind. You have a better chance of a favorable outcome rather than doing the same things you’ve always done.
Let me know what comes up for you as you read this. I know I’m not alone in this and neither are you.
With joy and gratitude,
Elaine L Stewart, CHC
